Posts tagged boston bruins

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Posted 11 months ago

Bruins Post-Cup Bar Tab from Foxwoods

More than enough to impress any douchebag / Diddy fan.

Still, congrats, once again, to the Bs.

Watch the Sox spend like 30 times this come the post-Series throwdown.

MORE ON BRUINS DRUNKENNESS HERE

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Posted 11 months ago
Now there’s a Bruins jersey that wasn’t bought in the past few weeks. Props to all the real fans for letting all these fake motherfuckers climb up on their Zamboni. Zoom

Now there’s a Bruins jersey that wasn’t bought in the past few weeks. Props to all the real fans for letting all these fake motherfuckers climb up on their Zamboni.

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Posted 11 months ago

Not Sure Why, But I Thought Sox Mobster Fans Might Enjoy My Badass Feature On Beer Pong

Mikey Connors of Peabody growls at his opponents from across the folding table. Whipping the crowd into hysterics, the beer-pong heavyweight steps back from the edge and starts to kick his heels up like a bull about to charge. He lets out a vicious bark. With fans behind velvet ropes stomping around in spilled suds, Connors tucks his head down, lunges, and launches himself forward so that he’s horizontally airborne. Executing a rare trick shot of questionable legality, he slam-dunks the ping-pong ball into the last remaining plastic cup and crashes through the eight-foot table, leaving nothing but a puddle of skunked beer and twisted metal in his wake.

READ IT ALL HERE

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Posted 1 year ago

Why Boston Doesn’t Riot (All That Much)

Boston doesn’t riot all that much anymore, and there may even be a nerdy scientific kind of reason for that. If you missed it last years when the Celtics made it to the finals, here’s my Phoenix article on the storefront window shattering phenomenon that Los Angeles has down to a science.

Also - here’s Deadspin’s take on the matter from 2007, by which time Boston had more or less cleaned up its act. I should also note that while this may seem kind of lame in the moment, it’s actually a good thing that we don’t trash the whole city every time a team wins something. The damn place would look like Baghdad.

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Posted 2 years ago

To All My Haters: No! The Sox Will Not Be Done By Memorial Day!

I’m not sure if you all  noticed, but, as large segments of Red Sox Nation turned their attention to the Celtics (and Bruins) in the past few weeks, their beloved base-runners were largely declared to be done for the season. Finished. Finito!

The most depressing prejudgments might have been this USA Today column and this CBSsports.com spiel - both of which played it vaginally safe while nonetheless not-so-surreptitiously predicting an early Sox demise.

Through these tribulations, I’ve been writing about my attempt to become a Sox fan. And of all the traditions and rituals I’ve faced, the one that I least understand is the tendency to surrender every time they lose three games in a row.

Sports writers and commentators face virtually no accountability, which is good for them since they spit nonsense 99 percent of the time. Can’t wait until my book drops; with the op-eds I’ve been stockpiling, hater critics might come off even worse than all you fair-weather fools who just recently became hoops fanatics.

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Posted 2 years ago

Oh. You’re a Bruins Fan. Sorry - I Didn’t Realize Since You Weren’t One Yesterday.

That’s all. You know who you are. You spineless fair weather motherfucker…

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Posted 2 years ago

For the Record, I Thought the Winter Classic was a Dumb Idea

Winter Classic

In fact, I gave a nice little spanking right here in The Phoenix…

With the Winter Classic generating so much buzz - select tickets are reportedly selling for $9,000 - many local institutions are planning similar collaborative events. Considering how excited folks are to watch hockey in a baseball stadium, some of these are sure to truly titillate.    

READ IT ALL HERE
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