How I learned to stop worrying & love the Sox

Do the Yankees Still Suck?

I’ve been waiting for this moment - when the Yankees beat the Red Sox for the first time all season. You see - I’ve always wondered how a squad that smacks your team - that you presumably think is good - can suck. Ever heard of “inference?”

Obviously the correct answer here is that the Yankees don’t suck, and that Sox fans who chant such are white trash shitheads. But don’t hate on me just yet; gauging by anecdotal evidence that I gathered around Fenway yesterday, a lot of New York fans are equally ignorant.

Much like the Hutus and Tutsis, Jews and Palestinians, and any other two groups that are more alike than dissimilar but loathe one another nonetheless - you’re all fools. No doubt I’ve already began the chapter for my book about the comparable stupidity between these two tribes.

Lastly - I was a writer for Boston’s Weekly Dig a few years ago when this cover (pic above) hit the streets, and it still hangs on my wall at home. Not because I like watching bears make out; not because I yearn for reconciliation; just because it makes my dumb-ass Sox fan friends more uncomfortable than the pregnant prostitute who lives in my bathtub.