How I learned to stop worrying & love the Sox

Here’s An Example of When Red Sox Fan Shit Gets Out of Control

I swear this press release arrived in my in-box last week. Gotta read it to believe it…

Boston Red Sox and Scotts Bring Fenway Park to Fans’ Backyards

BOSTON and MARYSVILLE, Ohio, March 30 /PRNewswire/ — Boston Red Sox fans can have a little piece of Fenway Park in their own backyard this spring for the first time ever.  The Scotts Company has teamed with Dave Mellor, director of grounds for the Boston Red Sox, to develop products for homeowners with the same Scotts fertilizer technology and actual grass seed varieties used at Fenway Park, as part of a new multi-faceted partnership with Major League Baseball and the Red Sox.

It goes on and on, but you get the point: some folks are so crazy that they want the same grass in their backyard that their favorite team plays on. Next thing you know people will start wearing replica jerseys and drinking whatever energy drinks their favorite players chug.

The sad thing is that I can totally imagine a lame summer BBQ scene in which some suburban loser is grilling sausages and talking to the new boyfriend of his wife’s annoying office buddy. Once they’re done having a good chuckle about his “Blow the Cook” apron, the homeowner will turn to the other guy and say: “Does that lawn look familiar? Do the words “Green Monster” ring a bell?”

When the grill sergeant finally breaks the news that he spreads the same fertilizer that the Sox use, his new friend will say something like “Oh shit - get the fuck out of here. Did it cost you an arm and a leg?” To which his host will reply: “It wasn’t cheap - but it was well worth it.” Frightening.